


I should have known

by Kings_of_Gotham



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Centric, F/M, Introspection, M/M, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 06:07:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9806537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kings_of_Gotham/pseuds/Kings_of_Gotham
Summary: “This is the cold blooded murder of someone you love.”Nygma turned, jumping when he saw Cobblepot in front of him. Was he dreaming? Was it just another projection of his mind? Was he really there?





	

**Author's Note:**

> What if Oswald let himself killed to not destroy the fragile balance of Nygma's mind?  
> Illusions, hallucinations, memories, regrets, remorse.

Yet another dream, for yet another night.

Edward got up from the bed with the forehead all sweaty and went to the bathroom to wash his face; after he turned on the light and washed his face more and more times with ice cold water, he lifted his eyes towards the mirror in front of him, looking at his reflection, blurred because he didn’t have his glasses on – remained on the bedside.

The words that Oswald said to him at the pier, shortly before Edward shoot him and left him fall in the water, still hummed in his ears, like he was listening to the echo even at that very moment.

“This is the cold blooded murder of someone you love.”

Nygma turned, jumping when he saw Cobblepot in front of him. Was he dreaming? Was it just another projection of his mind? Was he really there?

“O-Oswald…” he called him with a low hoarse voice, stretching a hand towards him to nearly feel if he was real or not. “… I don’t love you…” he continued hardly swallowing, trying to take courage to face up to what he had done, even that night.

Slowly, night and day, Edward Nygma was wearing out together with his remorse.

“I don’t love you!” he repeated again, with a higher voice.

Penguin’s figure seemed hurt and painfully remembered him the same expression he saw on the pier; Oswald stretched his hand towards Nygma, trying to caress his face.

“I don’t love you!!!” those words became a desperate scream while Edward’s eyes veiled, unexpectedly for him, of tears.

“You should know that…” Cobblepot simply added, sweetly brushing his face.

He seemed so real that Edward couldn’t restrain himself from putting his hand on the other one’s and, observing that he was nothing but his mind’s illusion, the tears started to drop.

“You should know that.” Another voice woke him from that moment of numbness and confusion; a voice that seemed familiar to him but didn’t come from another person, or another illusion. It came from his head.

Short breathed, Nygma came back to wash his face, he then returned to his bed… what did he have to know?

He sighed and then laid down on the bed, covering his eyes with the hand, trying to think back about those words. What did he have to know?

The sleep came to take him back in its arms and, in drowsiness, Edward saw again the reason why he killed Oswald: Isabella. The woman Fate gifted to him to let him have a second chance to be happy, to be normal.

The woman that ‘his best friend’ killed out of pure egoism, to have him. Because of a crazy and unrequited love.

“You should know that...” those words again in his head, that voice again.

Was he already sleeping?

He saw Isabella coming near him, beautiful and smiling. She caressed his face and then sweetly kissed him on the lips.

Moments later, they were on the bed, united in a naked intimate embrace, while they were making love.

But Isabella’s figure was slowly fading… was he waking up?

He didn’t want it, he wanted to remain there, in those arms. He wanted to look at those light eyes and that smile forever. He just wanted to be happy.

His figure went towards the woman, kissing her lips at first, then the neck, slowly lowering through the body until he reached the groin. Edward continued without hesitation but when he felt his hair grabbed he had to lift his eyes to look at his lover.

What he saw left him breathless.

Isabella’s figure was replaced with Oswald’s that, with bright eyes, was looking at him like he was dazed by the pleasure. “Ed…”

Nygma sat up panting, confused and terrorized by what he saw.

Or remembered?

“You should know that.” His and Oswald’s voice combined together in his mind.

Edward looked at his hands, panicking. What was happening?

He wasn’t understanding what was real and what wasn’t anymore. He was losing himself in a labyrinth of pain from which he couldn’t escape if not with the awareness that he was forgetting something really important…

Suddenly, the images he thought he had dreamed resurfaced in his mind, more clear: the person with whom he was making love was Oswald, not Isabella.

He felt his hands violently tremble.

What had he done?

In that moment not only Oswald’s words began to have a new meaning but his inexistent resistance, all his stares and attempts to make him think too.

“No… No, no, no.” He was refusing to believe that.

Isabella was real and Oswald killed her for real, it wasn’t a joke from his mind! He knew it, he was sure about it!

“You told him to kill her.”

“Me? No! No! Impossible! I loved her, how could I want to see her dead? How?”

“You loved her? Or you were just building up a lie to deny your true feelings?”

“No. No. No…” 

He was talking to himself in a tone that was growing excited until he found himself desperately screaming in the silence of his room, letting himself fall again on the mattress trembling and helpless.

“I should have known…”

It would never have existed another person capable of loving a monster like him.

Nobody.

Edward knew it now… but it was too late.

Because, like he always did out of fear, he pulled his happiness out of his hands.

He would never change. Because he couldn’t.


End file.
